Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
