It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
