too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
