I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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