If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
