this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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