i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
