Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
