So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
