when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
