I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
