Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
