I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
