My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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