The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When did angry sex become our thing?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
