he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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