ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
