the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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