sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
