she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
