Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
