Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
