White coat. Heels.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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