nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
