Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
