i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
