So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
