Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
