so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
