I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
