Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
whose ass print is on the piano?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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