its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
