Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
MIDGETS
????
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
