Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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