Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just invented taco cereal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
