Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
