Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
