yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
