Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
