No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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