like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize