What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
