At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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