ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
