I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ttyl tear gas
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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