We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
