I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
