You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
