I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
