Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
