My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
