Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
