So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
