I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want is dick and wine.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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