never play flip cup with pint glasses
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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