these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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