I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
