Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
