She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't deserve a penis
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
