plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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