I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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